Impatience and Fatigue

I’m tired. I just got in from SFO and I’m tired. I haven’t slept properly from catching red eyes, to looking for the proper gate, to sitting up waiting for taxing at the assigned destination, and I’m tired. Yet I can’t sleep.

I contacted my roommate if he could pick me up from the airport and he said “I got you.” Right when I got to my layover destination of Hawaii, I read a message saying that he couldn’t anymore and that he’d try to get someone else to do it because he didn’t have his car. I figured that he wouldn’t be at the house yet cause of his lack of transportation. I get in and I find him sleeping. I also find someone else sleeping but on the couch.

Said person had the means and opportunity to pick me up. Him being at the house entailed means and opportunity to do so. I don’t know if my roommate didn’t tell him that I was coming in, but these people are supposed to be there for me. And yet, like I find them, comfortably slumbering.

I’m supposed to move out of my previous room to this other one. My previous roommate was supposed to update me on stuff while I was in Guam. There are three people moving into my old room. Our bunk beds won’t be enough. I was told that they didn’t want the bunk beds. I come in and I find my bed frames leaning against the dining room wall. And naturally I check on whether anything else was touched or tampered with. Here’s a description of the things that I found:

I deliberately left some stuff in a divider sort of thing and I see my stuff in plastic bags outside my room. It was moved and I wasn’t told. I check my food cabinet for the food that I had left behind. I didn’t know the exact number of cans of tuna that I had, but the ones I found were of a suitable number. I know that I had left a bottle of vodka behind my food, though, but now it’s gone. Also, I can’t find my mattress. I don’t know where all these things are.

Feelings of disappointment, upset, rage, indifference, and regret and boiling inside of me and to top it all off. I’m tired. I can already tell that this year is going to be a trying one. These people don’t know respect. I’m putting my foot down. I’m tired.

Self-Realization

Holy shit. I just logic’d myself and understood why I have a tendency to help people. It’s not cause I care, but it’s probably cause if the need for help ever arises I would be looking for them to repay their debt or they’re useful for me to have around in general. Thank God for logic and LSAT classes. Sounds a bit sad, but if I wasn’t this way I probably wouldn’t be here, probably won’t be who I am today, or worse, dead. Throw me at a shrink if you please, but know that I like who I am. I’m cool with it. Cool, cool, cool.

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